


Emma Woodhouse

by deedeeinfj



Category: AUSTEN Jane - Works
Genre: Gen, Humor, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-09
Updated: 2013-02-09
Packaged: 2017-11-28 18:01:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/677266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deedeeinfj/pseuds/deedeeinfj
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A parody of Emma in the form of Austen's juvenilia</p>
            </blockquote>





	Emma Woodhouse

**Author's Note:**

> Originally published at the Republic of Pemberley in 1999.

Dedicated to all who read it & feel properly honoured to claim it, by their Humble Servant, The Author.  

  
**LETTER THE FIRST, TO MISS MARTIN FROM MISS SMITH**

My dear Elizabeth, Being that Miss Woodhouse has been kind enough to give me her Attention, & that Miss Woodhouse is both charming & Wealthy, I have quite firmly resolved to devote my Time to her. Thank you for your past Kindnesses on my Behalf. What Honours have befallen your,

HARRIET.

 

**LETTER THE SECOND, TO MR. W. ELTON FROM MR. ELTON**

Honoured Father, I find Highbury most agreable & in view of this Fact will propose to Miss Woodhouse. I have been in Company with her often enough to affirm that she is Beautifull, & that she has Vast Amounts of Money, no one can deny. My freind Knightley finds her very pleasing. You must see the Advantages of the Match & approve my Choice -- & if you do not, that will make the Situation much more Romantic for your devoted,

PHILIP.

 

**LETTER THE THIRD, TO MR. MARTIN FROM MISS SMITH**

Dear Mr. Martin, Thank you Sir for your Proposals but I have quite decided, indeed I am fairly certain and so is dear Miss Woodhouse, that I want to refuse you. Please direct no further intimate correspondence to,

HARRIET.

 

**LETTER THE FOURTH, TO HER DIARY FROM MISS SMITH**

Dear Diary, Oh dear! Mr. Elton does not love me as Miss Woodhouse said he did. For he loves her! Perhaps I should have married Mr. Martin -- but no, Miss Woodhouse assures me Time & Again that I did not want to. I must find Someone Else to love, & quickly. Perhaps I shall follow the kind Recommendation of Mr. Woodhouse & have some Gruel.

 

**LETTER THE FIFTH, TO MRS. AND MISS BATES FROM MISS FAIRFAX**

I am coming to Visit. Your own,

JANE.

 

**LETTER THE SIXTH, TO MR. WESTON FROM MR. CHURCHILL**

Father, Because my Aunt has finally permitted me, & because I now have the strongest Desire to wait upon you & your new Wife, who must be everything pleasing, I shall come for my promised Visit. Please inform any Beauties & Heiresses amongst your Acquaintance of the forthcoming arrival & Open Heart of your,

FRANK.

 

**LETTER THE SEVENTH, TO MRS. PARTRIDGE FROM MRS. ELTON**

Darling Catherine, As I sit here in my new Home away from my beloved Maple Grove, I seize this Opportunity of writing to my Particular Freind. You now have more Carriages than I, but I trust that the Deep Bonds of our Affection will prevent you from reflecting on this Fact more than I do. Miss Woodhouse is as revolting as her plum cake. Miss Fairfax is very pleasing, however & gives me the Respect I am used to. You often told me that I write Wonderfull, charming letters. I hope that this brief Epistle will be to the Credit of your,

AUGUSTA.

 

**LETTER THE EIGHTH, TO HER DIARY FROM MISS SMITH**

Dear Diary, I love Mr. Knightley. How kind he is! Although he is old I am comforted by the Thought that in a few years I shall catch up to him & before I know it we shall be the same Age. I trust his Frequent Glances at Miss Woodhouse mean Nothing.

 

**LETTER THE NINTH, TO MR. WESTON FROM MR. CHURCHILL**

Father, Miss Fairfax & I are now married. Please convey my apologies and best wishes to Miss Woodhouse. I dare say, had I not first met my darling Jane, I should have been in the Gravest Danger. For Beauty & Wealth are not so very offputting. In your daily Prayers please remember Jane &,

FRANK.

 

**LETTER THE TENTH, TO MR. G. KNIGHTLEY FROM MR. J. KNIGHTLEY**

George, All my Best Wishes to you & Emma. Also pleased to hear that little Miss Smith came to her senses about Martin. May none of you die before your Weddings. Your Brother,

JOHN.

 

**LETTER THE ELEVENTH, TO JONES FROM WILKENS**

Could not get Hartfield chickens.

**FINIS**


End file.
